Today’s first recording starts with a trail for Freefonix.
Then, another episode of Secret Show – Bad Hair Day.
“I just don’t understand it How did Dr. Doctor know we’d be at the Purple Parakeet Club at midnight disguised as a pair of high-kicking chorus-line coconuts? It’s almost as if she could read our minds.”
They deal with the danger of sharks and escape.
Professor Professor has a new wig.
The commander’s name today is Pongo Pifflepaws. He tells them there’s a leak within UZZ.
Professor Professor needs to go to the Extendable Stick convention, so Victor and Anita accompany him, for security. They’re led down some dodgy looking alleyways by someone holding a sign who has a familiar silhouette.
Inside, they fall down a big hole.
When they return to base, Pongo Pifflepaws puts the base into Gooseberry alert. Special Agent Ray also has a wig.
That night, Anita spots Professor Professor’s wig crawling around. Victor’s also wearing a wig, and when the Professor’s wig attacks, so does Victor’s.
“These so-called wigs have been somehow created from living hair follicles The roots burrow deep down into the brain and suck out all the juicy bits of information, and when they have stuffed themselves silly the little wigglets take all our secrets back to you know who.”
“Oh and one more thing It appears that’s the bigger the hair piece the more information it’s able to suck up.” Oh dear.
When they get to him, the wig has gone, and he can barely talk. His phone beeps with his new name. Nancy Toodlepoops.
Victor and Anita track the wig to Doctor Doctor’s lair, where she has wooden mannequins of all her targets. “She was planning to replace all of us”
Doctor Doctor downloads Nancy Toodlepoops’ brain patterns into the mannequin.
She escapes with the mannequin in a balloon. Victor and Anita follow, and before she can launch missiles at them, the mannequin stops her and punctures the balloon.
“So how’s the chief doing Professor Professor?” “Ah, yes, well the aim was to transfer Nancy Toodlepoops brainwaves from the wooden dummy back into the real Toodlepoops.” “And?” “And I have to tell you now that it is utterly impossible cannot be done. No way.” “But what should we do?” “Well, we could keep the wooden one.” “What?” “Come on. Who’s to know?”
After this, there’s a bonus extra episode of The Secret Show – And That’s For Helsinki. Victor and Anita are thrown out of a plane by a man shouting “And That’s For Helsinki!”
It’s not the first time he’s done this, though nobody knows why. Victor wants Jet Shoes. Professor Professor offers him flying cookies. There’s one small drawback.
The chief’s name today is Fluffy Tummy.
Victor and Anita go to Helsinki to find the man. Everyone there reacts quite alarmingly. “They’re here! Get them!”
They soon find the reason.
To get away they eat some flying cookies, but Victor drops the packet and the people chasing them also eat them. Victor rubs his pursuer’s head against his jacket and sticks him to the ceiling.
Back at base, Fluffy Tummy tells them “You were both hit by a mindbomb. I had to remove large chunks of your brains for cleaning”
A Helsinki strike force is incoming. One thing I love about this show is the brief appearance of bunnies randomly.
The Professor is going to replace their brain chunks.
They remember the incident that started this, but Professor has mixed up the brain chunks so they’re remembering each other’s memories.
Victor and Anita fly off to draw the planes away from the pod, and they end up back in Helsinki airport, just as all the people’s heads deflate, but rather than attack them, they welcome them.
“So now that it’s all over Anita, no hard feelings about ordering the removal of a large chunk of your brain?” “Oh, no, of course not Fluffy Tummy. Cookie?” “Oh, I don’t mind if I do.”
Media Centre Description: Comedy series for 7-12 year olds about two agents in a top secret organisation. Doctor Doctor starts a wig craze within U.Z.Z. and begins secretly downloading information from Agents’ brains during the night. When Changed Daily’s wig goes missing U.Z.Z.’s most important secrets are at stake. Victor and Anita must save U.Z.Z. by getting Changed Daily’s hairpiece back before his brain is completely emptied!
Recorded from CBBC Channel on Sunday 6th January 2008 08:58
BBC Genome: CBBC Channel Sunday 6th January 2008 09:00
After this there’s a trail for The Revenge Files of Alistair Fury.
There’s a short bit of CBBC continuity, but I’m afraid I don’t know the presenter’s name.
Then the recording stops with the start of the first episode of DinoSapien.
The next recording starts with an interview. Miquita Oliver talks to Jerry Seinfeld about Bee Movie and I love how much he doesn’t give a shit about it.
Then, it’s The Simpsons – Natural Born Kissers. I have got that on a tape.
Media Centre Description: Homer and Marge discover the secret to reigniting their love life. Bart and Lisa hunt for hidden treasure using Grampa’s old mine detector.
Recorded from Channel 4 on Sunday 6th January 2008 15:33
The next recording starts with more T4, with Steve Jones and Alexa Chung phoning Ian Smith (Harold Bishop from Neighbours) from Australia. Was Steve Jones always as unbearable as this?
Then, another episode of The Simpsons – I’m Spelling as Fast as I Can. This is a much newer episode than the last one.
There’s a thinly veiled Elvira, named Boobarella. “It’s nice to see a realistic single woman on TV.”
There’s a joke cut here – Bart calls the first day of school “Wank” which is repeated by Principal Skinner.
Homer tries the new Krustyburger meal, the Ribwich.
Lisa wins the state spelling bee, and gets a place at the Spellympics. In one of those strange coincidences, just yesterday as I write this I was watching the opening ceremony of the 2024 Paris Olympics. And to make the coincidence weirder, the next news story is “Paris is no more. The legendary city of lights has been extinguished forever as a massive…” which is all we hear before Homer switches the TV off.
At the Spellympics Lisa is down to the last three, but the head, George Plimpton, wants her to throw the contest. “Lisa, competitive spelling has fallen on hard times. Today, students would rather watch Ozzy Osbourne. But if spelling is to compete, it needs a charismatic champion. The future of our very sport is at stake. And we want the gold medal to go to him.” “Who? Alex? The boy that everybody loves?” “Yes, he’s crowd-pleasing, and he’s cute. Women in the audience toss their thick glasses at him.” “I’m not throwing a spelling bee. I’ll die before I misspell.” “Be reasonable, Lisa. If you take a dive, we’ll guarantee you a scholarship to the Seven Sisters College of Your Choice.”
Lisa has a dream about the Seven Sisters colleges.
“Well, I suppose I could just skip college and marry Milhouse.” “I know this is a fantasy, but I’ll take it.” “Nah, forget it.” “No! I’ll never be this happy again!”
Homer, rather than attending the Spellympics, has travelled to San Francisco because that’s the last place they’re trialling the Ribwich. Krusty announces there won’t be any more, then Homer manages to get the very last Ribwich. But he has a surprising crisis of conscience. “Is this what I’ve come to? Fighting over a stupid sandwich on my daughter’s big day.” So he swaps the Ribwich for a car offered by one of the other fans there and drives off.
Lisa has to spell Intransigence, but when she sees Homer in the crowd, she sticks to her principles, tells the crowd about being asked to throw the contest, and then misspells the word anyway.
But she gets a hero’s welcome back home anyway.
Quite a welcome.
Media Centre Description: When Lisa becomes a finalist in a spelling bee, she is offered a bribe – a college scholarship – to throw the competition. With the guest voice of George Plimpton.
Recorded from Channel 4 on Sunday 6th January 2008 16:10
After this, Steve Jones, Alexa Chung and an incredibly young looking Rick Edwards reflect on their time in Australia.
After this, there’s episode two of Andrew Davies’ adaptation of Jane Austen’s Sense and Sensibility.
There’s a social event, with lots of country dancing. Willoughby is there, as is Colonel Brandon, who talks to Willoughby alone. “What are your intentions towards Miss Marianne Dashwood?” Willoughby rather lords over him the fact that Marianne prefers him. “I cannot be blamed if Marianne prefers my company to yours. We are closer in age, in temperament, in taste… In short, in everything. I commiserate with you, but there it is. And to answer your question, yes, of course my intentions are entirely honourable.”
Willoughby brings a horse as a gift. Marianne is delighted, but Elinor and Mrs Dashwood have to literally look a gift horse in the mouth as they haven’t the money to stable and keep a horse.
Colonel Brandon has invited everyone on a picnic, but when they’re about to set off, a rider arrives with a letter for Brandon. “I am sorry to say our expedition will have to be postponed. I am called away on urgent personal business. I must leave at once.”
Not to be denied a nice day out, they all head off anyway. Willoughby and Marianne set off apace, and he takes her to see Allenham, his aunt’s stately home.
His aunt is not in residence at the time, but he shows the house to Marianne – rather against social norms as they are not chaperoned. And they kiss.
Elinor and her mother are wondering if Willoughby and Marianne are engaged. Marianne has said nothing. Willoughby asks if he might visit tomorrow, after he has spoken to his mother, so they wonder if that will be the time. But when the time comes, and Elinor and Mrs Dashwood go for a walk to give them some privacy, when they return, Marianne rushes out in tears, and Willoughby says that family business must take him to London and he doesn’t know when he’ll be back.
Mrs Dashwood invites Edward to visit. He’s happy to see them. But later, he seems melancholy.
Next day, he’s chopping wood in the rain – an attempt to replicate Colin Firth’s wet shirt scene? Elinor talks to him, asking why he’s unhappy. “What is it?” “Nothing. Nothing I can speak of. I should never have come here.”
The family are invited by the Middletons to dine at Barton Park, and meet some of their family. In particular, two of their nieces, the Misses Steele. Daisy Haggard plays the older Anne Steele, and Anna Madeley plays Lucy Steele.
Lucy in particular wants to talk to Elinor, so they take a turn around the garden. Lucy tells Elinor that she not only knows Edward Ferrars, but they have been engaged for four years, secretly. “I met him at my uncle’s. He’s a schoolmaster and Edward was under his care.”
Elinor and Marianne are offered a chance to visit London. Elinor is reluctant now, having learned why Edward was so sad when he visited, as the engagement to Lucy meant he could not possibly pursue Elinor, despite quite obviously being totally smitten by her. But Marianne really wants to go, so she might see Willoughby again. While there, there’s no sign of Willoughby, but Colonel Brandon visits them. He asks Elinor if Marianne and Willoughby are engaged. She can’t tell him they are, but also, she can’t deny that Marianne is definitely in love with him. “I am quite sure that Marianne is deeply in love. And I have no reason to doubt Mr Willoughby’s feelings for her. I do expect, and hope, to hear of their engagement very soon.” “That being the case… To your sister I wish all imaginable happiness. And to Willoughby, that he may endeavour to deserve her.” Sick burn.
There’s a party, at which they meet the Steeles again, and also their sister in law, Fanny Dashwood (my old school friends Claire Skinner) who introduces them to Edward’s older brother Robert Ferrars. “My brother Edward has spoken very highly of your beauty, Miss Dashwood. In general I consider him a very poor judge of women, but in this instance, I have to concur”
Also at the party is Willoughby, although he’s spending all his time talking to another woman. When Marianne calls him and asks if he’s received her letters, all he says is “Yes, I had the pleasure of receiving the information of your arrival in town, which you were so good as to send me. Excuse me.” And he goes back to his party, rather crushing Marianne’s hopes.
I have to apologise, because this is the last episode of this serial that I have recorded, so we’ll be missing any possible happy endings, but the whole series is available on BBC iPlayer if you’d like to watch it. I quite enjoyed it, and definitely cried a lot at the end, although it doesn’t quite match up to Ang Lee’s 1995 film, although as that’s one of my favourite films of all time, that’s hardly surprising.
Media Centre Description: Dramatisation of Jane Austen’s novel. Marianne and Willougby find themselves falling in love while Colonel Brandon is away on business in London. Eleanor receives her visit from Edward, but his odd behaviour leaves her unassured. Sir John’s nieces come to Devonshire. Marianne gets a horrible shock.
Recorded from BBC ONE on Sunday 6th January 2008 21:00
BBC Genome: BBC ONE Sunday 6th January 2008 21:00
The last recording starts with a Top Gear iPlayer promo.
Then, we have a film, Sin City. Directed by Robert Rodriguez and Frank Miller, adapted from Frank Miller’s comic of the same name. It’s a film that appears to owe some inspiration to Sky Captain and the World of Tomorrow with its mostly monochrome palette with the occasional striking colour. I remember watching it, but I can’t remember much about it. I might not enjoy it this time around. It starts with Josh Hartnett talking to a girl on a balcony, seeming to strike up a rapport, only for him to shoot her dead. It’s all going to be bad people and misogyny, isn’t it?
Oh well, it looks good. Nice title treatment.
It also features Hartigan (Bruce Willis) telling us “It’s my last day on the job” as he’s introduced, frankly looking more like Bob Odenkirk.
His partner Bob is Michael Madsen, trying to stop him from confronting a man called Roark who has kidnapped a little girl, his fourth victim. Roark’s father is a Senator.
I believe this is Nick Offerman in a small part.
Hartigan isn’t kind to Roark Jr when he finds him.
But Hartigan’s partner Bob shoots him in the back. But he’s saved the little girl. “An old man dies. A little girl lives. Fair trade.”
In another story, Mickey Rourke plays Marv, and given how he generally looks, I’m no 100% sure there was any prosthetics here. It’s another scene where a beautiful woman is introduced and is immediately killed, although this time not by the man in the scene. She dies while he’s asleep in her bed. He vows to find out why as he fights off a whole squad of cops who turn up before anyone could know there’s been a murder. Lots of crunchy action.
He drops in on Lucille, played by Carla Gugino who is his parole officer. “She’s a dyke, but God knows why. With that body of hers, she could have any man she wants.” What enlightened people these are.
Marv’s interrogation techniques are rather violent.
Someone who looks exactly like the dead woman is after Marv for (she thinks) killing her.
He follows a tip, but the man he’s after is too quiet and quick for him. He’s played by Elijah Wood.
He keeps the heads of his victims.
Also in the locked room with his is Lucille. She tells him that the man eats his victims. He’s eaten her hand already. Marv breaks them out, but there’s a lot of police looking for them. Lucille knocks out Marv, thinking he’s just going to get into more trouble, but when she approaches the police they kill her.
Marv deals with the police, and gets another lead, to Senator Roark’s brother, who’s a Cardinal, But before he can get to him, he’s captured by the woman who looks like Goldie. She’s her sister Wendy, and thinks Marv killed her. But he convinces her he didn’t.
Marv gets his revenge on Kevin.
Marv takes Wendy to a friend of his, Nancy, played by Jessica Alba.
Marv goes to see Cardinal Roark, who was running Kevin, and is played by Rutger Hauer. He kills him.
But he ends up electrocuted.
The next story involves Benicio del Toro as Jackie Boy, who’s menacing a waitress, Shellie, with his gang of thugs.
Clive Owen plays Dwight, Shellie’s new boyfriend. Or her old boyfriend with a new face. He frightens Jackie Boy off.
He follows them to Old Town, where it’s the prostitutes who keep the peace. They’re going to deal with Jacki Boy and his friends, but Dwight is nervous. “They haven’t killed anybody I know about. They got pretty bad at Shelly’s place. But they didn’t kill anybody.” “And they won’t.” Jackie Boy pulls a gun on a girl, and another of them, fully armed, launches into action. With a swastika throwing star of all things.
It doesn’t end well for Jackie Boy.
But Dwight discovers that Jackie Boy is a cop, and his death will destroy the truce that exists between the cops and the women in Old Town.
“Get me A hard top. With a decent engine. And make sure it’s got a big trunk.” Dwight, as the only man there, takes charge. I’d love to say this was parody but I fear Miller is serious about all of this.
On the other hand… “They’ll never fit in that trunk. Not like this they won’t.”
Dwight has to put Jackie Boy in the seat next to him, and as they drive he imagines him still alive, taunting him.
His car runs out of petrol and he has to push it the rest of the way, but before he can push the car into the Tar Pits (hence the dinosaur statues) a police sniper shoots him.
Back in Old Town, a man from the mob (Michael Clarke Duncan) makes threats. “Your cause is lost. We know everything. Soon the corpse of Detective Rafferty will be in our possession and the truce between your prostitutes and the police will be shattered. There’ll be arrests. There’ll be deaths. My employer will seize what remains of this neighbourhood. You will all be slaves. Nothing can stop this.”
My mistake, the people who shot Dwight appear to be Irish, and I presume are supposed to be IRA, judging by the dialogue. And some of the worst Irish accents I’ve heard for a while.
One of them checks Dwight’s pockets. “Looks to be our poor dead cop’s badge. It’s all bent up. Something’s stuck in it. Bloody hell. It’s the bullet.”
Dwight fights back, but a grenade dumps him in the tar. The mercenaries cut off Jackie Boy’s head and leave, he sinks, but Miho saves him. Now they have to find out who betrayed them (almost certainly the girl who we saw phoning her mum) and get the head back before it gets wherever it’s going.
Gail learns the Becky is the spy. “Dwight’s dead. They got what’s left of that cop we killed. The mob’s gonna turn it over to the police chief. The cops are gonna mow us down. We gotta cut a deal.” “You little bitch. You sold us out.” “I didn’t have no choice. They was gonna hurt my mom.”
Dwight lures all the bad guys into a back alley, offering them Jackie Boy’s head. When they’re there, he blows up the head, and all the women from Old Town kill the bad guys from the rooves.
The story switches again, to Bruce Willis, not dead but in hospital, being visited by Powers Boothe as Senator Roark, father of the man Hartigan shot right at the start of the film. His introduction is quite scary. “Power don’t come from a badge or a gun. Power comes from lying. Lying big and getting the whole damn world to play along with you. Once you got everybody agreeing with what they know and their hearts ain’t true, you got them by the balls.” Scarily prophetic. Followed by “I could pump you full of bullets right now and I wouldn’t even be arrested.” Does that sound like anyone we know? He tells Hartigan that he’s going to keep him alive, even give him surgery to fix his dodgy heart, then put him on trial for raping the little girl he rescued, and sending him to prison for the rest of his life. “Your wife. You tell her the truth and she’s dead. You tell anybody the truth and they’re dead.”
“They won’t let me testify. I told the cops that you saved my life and they just talked like I was crazy. They talked my parents into keeping me away. They said that you done things that you didn’t do. I told them that you saved me from that Roark creep. But they won’t even check me out to see that I’m still a virgin. I’m still a virgin, I’m still alive. Thanks to you.” He tells her to stay away for her own safety. “I’ll still write to you Hartigan. I’ll sign my letters Cordelia. That’s the name of a really cool detective in books I read. I’ll write to you every week. For forever.”
Nancy keeps it up, a letter a week. Hartigan is beaten up for a confession, which he never gives them. Eight years pass. Then the letters stop. “Nancy’s nineteen years old. How long did you expect her to keep writing? She was a saint to keep it up as long as she did. She’s forgotten you old man. You’re alone. You’re all alone.”
One day there’s a weird yellow man in his cell. He punches Hartigan unconscious, and when he comes to, there’s one of Nancy’s envelopes on the floor, but instead of a letter, there’s an index finger. At that point he knows he has to get out and find her, so he gives them the confession they want, and he’s released.
His old partner is waiting for him.
Hartigan goes looking for Nancy. His search takes him to a bar that looks familiar, with some familiar looking clientele, which tells us that the first part of Hartigan’s story predates all the other stories.
Also there is a grown-up Nancy, who we’ve met already.
Hartigan realises that the finger was a bluff, and they’ve duped him into not only giving them the confession they wanted, but also led them right to where Nancy is. The yellow bloke is there.
He tries to leave quietly, hoping to draw the goon away and kill him, but Nancy spots him.
They leave, and are pursued by the yellow man. Hartigan shoots him and his car goes off the road, but when they check, there’s blood but no sign.
They hide out at a motel. Nancy is in love with him. He’s trying to resist. He takes a cold shower but he’s interrupted by the reappearance of the yellow man. “Recognize my voice, Hartigan? Recognize my voice? Piece of shit, cop? I look different, but I bet you can recognize my voice.” “Sure. I recognize your voice, Junior.” It’s Roark Jr.
He leaves Hartigan hanging by the neck, and leaves to molest Nancy.
Hartigan manages to get out of the noose, and when Roark’s goons arrive to take his body, he gets them to tell him where Roark has taken Nancy. To the farm. Kevin is still alive right now, as Hartigan takes out the guards quietly.
Despite being shot again, he’s able to take out Junior rather thoroughly.
But there’s no happy ending for Hartigan. He sends Nancy home, telling her he’s going to put Senator Roark behind bars, but he knows that will never happen. “He’ll go after me through Nancy. He’ll find her again. There’ll be no end to it. She’ll never be safe. Not as long as I’m alive. There’s only one way to beat him. An old man dies. A young woman lives. Fair trade. I love you, Nancy.”
There’s a coda, where Becky, the spy from Old Town, is in hospital with a fractured arm, and she walks into a lift, and in the lift is Josh Hartnett from the very start of the movie.
Well, that was better than I expected. It looks great, I loved the noir use of voiceover (which is probably straight out of the comics) but I really wish the filmmakers could use their obviously prodigious imaginations to imagine a strong female character who’s anything other than a prostitute with a gun who’s joined a union.
Media Centre Description: A strikingly faithful adaption of Frank Miller’s graphic novel that deploys an all-star cast to exploit its seedy film noir setting and hard-boiled detective plot to brutal cinematic effect.
Recorded from BBC TWO on Sunday 6th January 2008 22:00
BBC Genome: BBC TWO Sunday 6th January 2008 22:00
After this, there’s a second, longer Torchwood trail than the last one.
And a trail for Radio One.
There’s also a trail for Top of the Pops: The True Story.
Then the recording stops with the start of The Best of Graham Norton.
Here’s the ad breaks in the first Simpsons episode.
Here’s the breaks for the second.
Adverts:
- Mazda 6
- More Than
- trail: Relocation, Relocation
- HMRC Self Assessment
- VO5
- Mazda 6
- HSBC
- Kwik Fit
- Norwich Union DIrect
- Bupa
- Army
- trail: Dispatches: The Truth About Your Food
- trail: The SImpsons
- Tilda Microwave Rice
- Army
- Rave Nation The Anthems
- Shrek’s Quests
- Pantene
- Chevrolet Captiva
- Asda
- Harveys
- trail: Gladiator
- Volvo
- Dora Dress Up and Go
- Clubber’s Guide ’08
- Stop Smoking
- Kleenex
- Stop Smoking
- Oral B
- L’Oreal Infallible
- Act on CO2
- trail: Gordon Ramsay: Cookalong Live
- trail: Curb Your Enthusiasm
- Army
- Pedigree Adoption Drive
- L’Oreal Derma Genesis
- LG Viewty
- Clean & Clear
- Nissan X-Trail
- Egg Card
- Pedigree Adoption Drive
- comparethemarket.com
- trail: Hugh’s Chicken Run
- Channel 4 Presenters First Jobs