The first recording today starts with the end of Thumb Wrestling Federation.
There’s a trail for Freefonix.
Then there’s another episode of Secret Show – The Ball of Spong. UZZ headquarters is visited by a Herald of Spong. He says his master requires the Ball of Spong, which landed on Earth 20,000 years ago.
The Chief’s name today is Bobby Bouncy Buns.
The Herald says that if the Ball of Spong is not returned to him, the planet will be sieved. “Behold! The Sieving of Alpha Gargulon. When they failed to find the Sacred Bucket of Seetwee.”
There’s a deadline of three hours. After a while, there’s no sign of the ball, until Ray suggests searching the internet, and finds the Ball of Spong. “Exhibit 239 slash B in the plundered room at the British Museum.”
The Floatyheaded aliens arrive to collect the ball.
But Bobby Bouncy Buns is locked in a survival pod when the system detected aliens. And he’s got the Ball of Spong.
Victor puts the button from his belt into the Spong Cushion hoping it will buy them some time. The aliens leave. “We shall go and place it in the Cup of Spong. Then we shall truly know if it is the one.”
“Welcome, Survivor, to the Survival Pod. I was activated by the scent of alien beings. If you are here, then planet Earth must have been destroyed in its entirety.” “Oh, no.” “Leaving you as the sole survivor.” “That’s terrible, terrible.” “Lunch will be served shortly.” “Ooh, yummy, yummy.”
They get the survival pod out of the wall, but it appears to be impenetrable. Professor Professor suggests using Morse Code. Victor taps out SOS. Bobby Bouncy Buns says “The pod has just been hit by nine small meteorites in a row, which I’m hoping will activate the chef.”
The montage of trying to open the pod is frankly hilarious.
Victor and Anita bring the pod to the aliens and tell them the ball is inside. But Bobby Bouncy Buns has lost track of time. “Dear diary, I’ve been in the pod for months now. I’ve given up on lunch, and there’s nothing to eat, except the ball of Spong. With the Earth destroyed, there’s no more use for it, and it does have a lovely minty whiff.”
The Aliens get the pod open, but it’s too late, he’s eaten it.
Victor, Anita and Bobby Bouncy Buns are hurled back to Earth, and the aliens commence the sieving. “That’s a lot of sieve.”
But the sieving is interrupted by the arrival of an even bigger alien ship. “Oh, Spong! Have you got your ball back yet?” “Uh, not yet, Grandma.” “Oh, did you ask them nicely?” “Yes, Grandma.” “Oh, there’s a good boy. Here, is that my sieve?” “No.” “How many times have I told you not to handle my utensils? Bring the sieve, bring your friends, you’re grounded!” OK, so this is the ending to Explorers but I don’t care.
So all is well, until another alarm sounds. “Attack force, heading this way! They want us to return the Ball of Spong.” “But they’ve gone home!” “It’s not the aliens, it’s the British Museum!” “Return the Ball of Spong! It’s our plunder, you plunderers! Give it back do you hear? Oh, there’s a fine involved!” I have to say, that’s a top notch joke to end on. How this programme wasn’t a huge hit I really don’t know. It’s superb.
Media Centre Description: Comedy series for 7-12 year olds about two agents in a top secret organisation. Aliens demand the return of ‘The Ball of Spong’, or they will sieve the Earth. Moments before the exchange, Changed Daily and The Ball of Spong are whisked away into a totally indestructible survival pod. While Changed Daily believes himself to be the sole survivor of Earth, Victor and Anita desperately try to extract him and the ball from the pod and stop the alien sieving!
Recorded from CBBC Channel on Thursday 10th January 2008 16:58
BBC Genome: CBBC Channel Thursday 10th January 2008 17:00
This recording ends with the start of the next programme.
Which is also our next recording, Secret Show – Destination Sun. Victor and Anita are chasing Doctor Doctor. She’s got a remote control that can turn out the sun.
The sequence where Victor and Anita try to get the control from Doctor Doctor gets very silly indeed.
Victor steps on the remote control and breaks it, turning off the sun.
The chief’s name today is Oinkie Doinkie.
Doctor Doctor calls UZZ and offers to team up to restart the sun. Funny how their zoom calls never start with someone on mute.
“Okay, go straight about 150 million kilometres.” I love that the show gets some if its science completely right.
Except when there’s a joke to be made. “Are you sure we can land on the sun in this thing? I mean, we’re flying an iceberg!”
“I guess this is one of the drawbacks of having a chunk of Antarctica for a ship.” Doctor Doctor says “Fresh food is no drawback.”
Victor and Anita walk on the sun, with protective equipment that also dispenses ice cubes to make walking more comfortable.
They find their way to the Sun’s pilot light, and proceed to follow Doctor Doctor’s instructions to turn it on.
But she’s double-crossed them, and had the working remote control all the time. “It was such a simple trap. Fake the sun going up, fool you with the old broken remote control gag, trick you into taking me on this rocket powered iceberg, let you go to the center of the sun and then relighting the sun and flying away to safety while you get fried. Simple.”
It’s a good thing Anita tethered themselves to the iceberg ship.
The Penguin attacks Doctor Doctor to stop her cutting the rope.
The Penguin is actually Professor Professor in disguise.
Professor Professor smashes the remote control. “I finally have you where I want you, Doctor, Doctor. Without this, you cannot control the sun.” “That was a fake. And that one. And that one. And that one. And that one, too.” To Anita “Oh, hold that for me, would you?”
Back at UZZ headquarters, Victor has mislaid the real remote, and as they look for it, there’s a crunch, and the sun goes out. “Ah.”
Media Centre Description: Comedy series for 7-12 year olds about two agents in a top secret organisation. Doctor Doctor has a remote control that turns the sun’s brightness up and down. When trying to capture it, Victor accidentally steps on the remote and snuffs out the sun forever! Victor and Anita are forced to work with Doctor Doctor to save the world by travelling to the sun, on an iceberg rocket, to relight the sun’s pilot light.
Recorded from CBBC Channel on Thursday 10th January 2008 17:15
BBC Genome: CBBC Channel Thursday 10th January 2008 17:15
After this there’s a trail for the M.I.High website.
Then the recording ends with the start of an episode of Freefonix.
The next recording starts with the end of Richard and Judy featuring Lenny Henry.
Then, another episode of The Simpsons – Bart’s Comet which I do have on a tape.
Media Centre Description: Bart discovers a comet that’s on a collision course with Springfield.
Recorded from Channel 4 on Thursday 10th January 2008 17:58
After this, the recording ends with the start of Hollyoaks.
The next recording is something a bit obscure. It’s the first episode of Moving Wallpaper, a comedy about the making of a new Soap Opera, with the twist being that the Soap is an actual show, which follows each episode of this.
There’s loads of familiar faces in the cast. James Lance plays one of the writers.
Dave Lamb is another writer.
Elizabeth Berrington plays Mel, the Cast liaison.
I had thought that Sam, the script editor, was played by Felicite du Jeu from Waking the Dead, but no, she’s Lucy Liemann, her doppelganger.
Raquel Cassidy off of Lead Balloon plays Nancy, the head of continuing drama, who’s just had to replace the producer on a brand new soap called Polnarren, set in Cornwall.
The replacement, brought in over her head, is Jonathan Pope, played by Ben Miller. He’s arrogant, rude and once worked with Nancy on Coronation street. She remembers him, he doesn’t remember her. I’d like to say he’s a very broad caricature of a TV producer, but since this is all written by people who work in telly, I’d have to conclude that this is a perfect rendering of such a person.
His plan for making the show a hit is based on the British Soap Awards. “From now on, everything we do has to tick one of these categories.”
Writer Gillian (Sarah Hadland) is skeptical. “But you can’t write a show based on what awards you hope to win.” “Why not?” “Well, it’s not very creative.”
“We are going to be the X-factor of soap. Ladies and gentlemen, we are about to change the face of British television forever. Polnarren, is no more. Welcome – To Echo Beach.”
Pope has cast Martine McCutcheon and Jason Donovan as Daniel Marrack. “But Daniel Marrack is only in one episode. In the final scene on the beach, he leaves.” “I might have mentioned he could stay a little bit longer than that.” “How much longer?” “He’s very good, you know, and he fits perfectly with this whole demographic thing.” “You want me to rewrite an entire series because Kelly fancies someone.” “You make it sound like that’s a bad thing.” “How long?” “I dunno. A couple of episodes.” “Three?” “Twelve.”
He tries to persuade Donovan to accept fewer episodes, but he threatens to sue the production. And the writers might walk out if they have to change everything again. This is all about four days before they go on air. Pope cries in his new “wet room” while Sam tries to tell him that, somehow, Echo Beach is a fantastic show.
This unexpected moment of fragility seems very out of character, but he pivots heavily back to arsehole as he’s preparing to pitch the changes to the writers, and an actress comes in and offers him a blowjob for a couple of lines in the show. Oddly, the actress, Suzie Amy, is credited as “herself” which seems quite odd.
The episode ends with the whole team settling down to watch the show go out, which at least works with the setup of the show, as the first episode of Echo Beach does indeed immediately follow this episode.
Media Centre Description: Companion show to ITV’s new soap Echo Beach, following the fictional crew behind the scenes as they endeavour to create a hit show. When Jonathan Pope is hires as the new producer, he takes the production by storm. Demanding a sexier look, he changes the soap’s title, fires ugly actors, redesigns the sets and even changes the barmaid’s nationality; but the real bomb shell comes when he insists on writing it around the categories of the British Soap Awards.
Recorded from ITV1 on Thursday 10th January 2008 21:00
So what about Echo Beach? Which is the next recording. To me it looks like a fairly standard soap. Maybe not as many characters as something like El Dorado (which I’m guessing was a partial inspiration for this) but it’s got a nice seaside location, and plenty of young actors.
I do like that the credits have the names of the characters in Moving Wallpaper – writers and producer.
The first familiar face is a very young Ed Speleers, who I only know from Star Trek Picard (and a Netflix Christmas movie we watched last year). He plays Jimmy, the promiscuous son of Martine McCutcheon’s character, and he’s quite a dick.
Here’s Martine McCutcheon, and her husband Hugo Speer.
Jimmy’s friend is mooning at a girl on a webcam. OK then. Jimmy asks him why he doesn’t find a girlfriend. “That’s easy for you to say, but the problem is, whenever new talent comes to town, you snap them up before I get a chance to make my moves.” “What’s so I’m supposed to put my sex life on hold just so you can get some?” “That’s what a friend would do.” “All right, then. The next new girl to arrive in town, you get first dibs.” I do already hate everyone in this show.
Jason Donovan arrives as Daniel Marrack, who’s taking over the beach cafe and has a past with McCutcheon’s characters.
There’s a couple of old-timers in the supporting cast – it’s Gwyneth Powell, Mrs McClusky off of Grange Hill, and Johnny Briggs, off of Coronation Street.
Suzie Amy did get a line.
To be honest, I’d almost lost the will to live by the time there’s a big fight on the beach.
Media Centre Description:
Recorded from ITV1 on Thursday 10th January 2008 21:30
After this, the recording ends with the start of Katy Brand’s Best Bits.
There’s one more recording today, something a bit more to my taste. Its an episode of 30 Rock – Up All Night. Liz gets flowers, but doesn’t know from whom.
Jack is finalising his divorce from Bianca, played by Isabella Rosselini.
They’re having to work all night, on Valentine’s Day. Jenna arrives. “Actually, I just came from performing at Vagina Day.” “Is that an offshoot of the Vagina Monologues?” “No. We are in no way affiliated with the Vagina Monologues. Vagina Day is a charity event founded by a group of celebrities who have, for whatever reason, never been asked to participate in the Vagina Monologues. Every February 14th, we improvise monologues about our lady parts for the homeless.” “Oh, to benefit the homeless?” “No, just for them.”
There’s a brief clip of Joy Behar doing her bit at the show. “My vagina is a flower. A weird, ugly flower. I remember the night I lost my virginity. It was 1968 during the Democratic Convention.”
The writers are doing “Boff, Marry, Kill.” They ask Cerie “Marry Boff Kill, Lutz, Toofer, or Kenneth.” “I’d marry Toofer because he’s classy.” “I’d kill Lutz. Sorry, Lutz.” “The thought that you would do anything to me is awesome.” “And I’d boff Kenneth.”
Jack goes out to celebrate his impending divorce, and it turns into a bit of a bender.
He ends up in an all night deli, and picks up a Russian woman played by Rachel Dratch (Tina Fey’s erstwhile comedy partner).
The boys in the writers room try and get Kenneth and Cerie together by sending them off on a Candy run.
Tracy and his wife are enjoying Valentine’s with some role play.
They’re not happy when Jack interrupts with his new friend.
Kenneth and Cerie don’t quite hit it off, as she decides to go to the club her boyfriend’s at. “Oh, and if you want to tell those guys upstairs that we made out, it’s all right with me.”
Pete had to go out on an emergency Valentine’s run, but his balloons don’t survive the revolving doors.
Liz has to come and get Jack and his friend after Tracy calls her for help. Jack’s still obsessing over Bianca. “Let me ask you a question. Mary Boff kill Bianca. Which do you want to do?” “All of them. All of them.” “You’ve got to get out of each other’s lives, Jack, or you will never be happy.”
Kenneth returns to the writers’ room. “What happened? So? Tell us.” “None of your beeswax.” “You blew it.” “Way to go, loser.” “Oh, yeah? If I blew it, then how did I get her underpants?”
The divorce papers are signed, but Jack and Bianca can still barely keep their hands off each other.
Next day, Liz meets the man who sent her the flowers, although they were intended for his girlfriend, Liz Lemler, and he’s played by Jason Sudeikis.
Media Centre Description: Sitcom set behind the scenes of a late-night sketch comedy show. Liz and the team have to stay up all night writing the next show. Frank tells Jenna what he thinks of her. Jack celebrates finally securing a divorce from Bianca, and Kenneth shares a moment with Cerie.
Recorded from Five on Thursday 10th January 2008 23:33
After this, the recording ends after a few minutes of Quiz Call, one of those live ‘quiz’ programmes where you call an extortionately priced number to answer a quiz question. And it’s so obviously designed just to get as much money out of the phone calls as possible. And, for example, in this wordsearch of High Street Stores, the first answer given by a caller is (obviously) Tesco, which he then says “It’s not one of my answers.” This is such a transparent scam, putting a super obvious right answer there, to encourage loads of people to ring, but then say it’s wrong because it’s not a “chosen” answer.
For the record, I can see OASIS (probably another obvious wrong answer) TOPSHOP, TOPMAN, GAP, EVANS, DOLCIS, ICELAND and ARGOS. I also see MIDAS but I don’t know if that’s a shop name. Anyway, this was awful, so lucky there’s only a couple of minutes of it.
Here’s the ad breaks from The Simpsons.
Here’s the Moving Wallpaper ads.
The ads from Echo Beach.
And from 30 Rock
Adverts:
- trail: Gordon Ramsay: Cookalong Live
- Scouting for Girls
- Monster.co.uk
- P.S. I Love You in cinemas
- Act on CO2
- Clean & Clear
- Nissan X-Trail
- Herbal Essences
- Carphone Warehouse
- trail: Grand Designs
- Stop Smoking
- Asda
- trail: The Palace
- Take A Break – Kim and Aggie
- VO5
- Halifax
- Stop Smoking
- trail: Big Brother: Celebrity Hijack
- Land of Leather
- Royal Caribbean Cruises
- Direct Line
- Capital One
- trail: Du£l
- trail: The Palace
- Ford Fiesta Zetec
- Subway
- Our Future. It’s in our hands.
- Zovirax
- Tesco
- OK! magazine
- Hellmann’s
- Cheestrings
- Shrek’s Quests
- Vicks Cold and Flu Care
- trail: Echo Beach
- trail: News at Ten
- Pizza Hut
- Hellmann’s
- match.com
- Look
- Nat West
- LG Viewty
- T-Mobile
- Seven Seas JointCare Max
- First Choice Holidays
- Asda
- DWP Targeting Fraud
- Olay
- trail: Al Murray’s Happy Hour
- trail: Primeval
- Pantene – Anna Friel
- OK! magazine
- Charlie Wilson’s War in cinemas
- McDonalds
- Dreams
- DFS
- EDF Energy
- trail: Al Murray’s Happy Hour
- Take A Break – Kim and Aggie
- Special K
- Egg Card
- Hedrin
- MFI
- Walk Hard The Dewey Cox Story in cinemas
- trail: Bad Boys 2
- 118 118
- Ford Fiesta Zetec
- Walk Hard The Dewey Cox Story in cinemas
- trail: Rough Guide To…
- trail: House
- trail: Nature Shock: The Revengeful Elephant
- No Country for Old Men in cinemas
- Marks & Spencer
- Full Tilt Poker
- Vaseline
- Orange
- McDonalds
- Txt UK
- trail: CSI: New York