The first recording today starts with the end of Frankenstein’s Cat.
There’s a trail for Sorry I’ve Got no Head.
Then it’s a new episode of Secret Show – Return of the Killer Toothbrush.
Victor and Anita follow a distress signal to an abandoned space station which appears to be wrapped in dental floss.
They’re unaware that Doctor Doctor set off the distress signal to lure them there. “Let them do all the hard work for a change.”
On board, Victor finds a strange substance. “It looks like peppermint toothpaste. It smells like peppermint toothpaste.” “Don’t touch anything.” He dips his finger in and tastes it. “It even tastes like peppermint toothpaste.” Anita has analysed the substance. “Hydrated silica. Sodium laurel sulphate.” Victor is reacting badly. “Oh, no!” “And titanium dioxide.” “Tell me, Anita, tell me straight!” “Victor!” “Is it happening?” “Victor! Victor! It is peppermint toothpaste!”
They find the bridge. Anita says “Now, remember… Don’t touch anything.” Victor can’t resist. “I wonder what this does.” There’s a recording of Professor Professor. “To whoever finds this message… There’s danger here! Terrible danger! It’s come alive. It’s after us. There’s no way of stopping this… this thing! Can’t get away.” But he’s not alone. Doctor Doctor is there too. “No! I won’t let you do this. We cannot leave it here. I refuse to abandon our creation.” “Get a grip, woman! It’s impossible to control! Look what it’s done to your teeth! We have to seal it up in the ship and get out while we still can.” So this is the back story as to why Doctor Doctor’s teeth are scary and wobbly.
They contact Professor Professor, who’s on holiday. When he hears what it’s about, he screams for a long time. He tells them to get out of there before it’s too late.
The station starts falling to pieces, so they run for it. Professor Professor says “If you hear a buzzing sound, run faster.” Victor hears a sound, and something drops down his neck.
They get out just before the station explodes.
“I’d just like to thank Professor Professor for cutting short his pointy stick conference and getting back here so promptly.” “I brought gifts for everyone.” “Don’t tell me a pointy stick.” “A souvenir pointy stick? Oh, thank you. Now, as you know, my name for reasons of security has changed daily. Today, you may call me… Slinky Wagglebot.”
Professor Professor talks about what happened all those years ago. “It was a wonderful experiment, Slinky Wagglebot, but she wanted to take it a little bit too far. Even to this day, I can still hear that awful buzzing in my head.” Suddenly everyone can hear buzzing. Professor Professor jumps on Victor. “You brought it back with you! You brought it here!”
“What? What? Professor Professor, what on earth were you working on up there?” “It was… It was…” Victor starts jumping around as something is trying to get out of his suit, until finally it bursts from his chest in what I’m going to assume is a reference to Alien. “A toothbrush?”
It escapes from the briefing room, so a search ensues. “This is a sector three. The bathroom cabinet has been breached. All our dental floss is missing.”
“Just as I predicted – you’re swarming.”
“Yes, yes, yes, I predicted you would do the big spider-thing too.” Pause. “I’m afraid.”
It wraps Professor Professor in dental floss and escapes, ending up in an old fireworks factory where Doctor Doctor is waiting. “Oh, my! Hasn’t my baby grown?” “I’ve warned you before! Don’t call me baby!” “Not you, Professor Professor! My beautiful creation!” My daughter pointed out that this must mean that she did once call him baby. There’s so much back story here.
“The base is under attack! We’ve got to stop that thing!” “The only way is to blast it back into space!” Yeah, if we only had some kind of giant rocket!” “You mean something like that?”
“Great! Now, if we only had a giant bottle to launch it from…” “You mean like that?” “Yeah! What are the chances?”
They attach the rocket to the spider.
Doctor Doctor tries to stop them. “You’ll pay for this.”
The toothbrush spider grabs her. “I’m not your mother! You’re a spider! You’re a spider, do you hear me? I’m not your mother!”
“Please! Release me! Let me go!” I love this show.
Media Centre Description:
Recorded from CBBC Channel on Thursday 10th July 2008 07:07
BBC Genome: CBBC Channel Thursday 10th July 2008 07:10
After this there’s a trail for Roman Mysteries.
Then the recording ends with the start of Prank Patrol.
The next recording is a repeat of Secret Show – Mission to Monkey Nut Island.
Media Centre Description: Comedy series for 7-12 year olds about two agents in a top-secret organisation, the evil Doctor Doctor, the Impostors and a host of notorious villains intent on world domination. Disguised as Expendable Agents, Victor and Anita infiltrate Doctor Doctor’s holiday island hideaway to uncover her next evil plan. But when Victor accidentally wins the Best Evil Plan round at the resort’s entertainment night, he is forced to put his plan into action and lead the attack on UZZ.
Recorded from BBC TWO on Thursday 10th July 2008 07:29
BBC Genome: BBC TWO Thursday 10th July 2008 07:30
After this there’s a trail for SMart featuring Ed Petrie.
After this the recording ends with the start of the next programme.
Then next recording continues straight on with a repeat of Secret Show – A Hairy Scary World.
Media Centre Description: Comedy adventure series for seven-to-twelve-year-olds about secret people doing secret things and saving the world. Professor Professor’s hair growth experiment goes horrible wrong, leaving Victor and Anita to fight giant head lice and perform an opera!
Recorded from BBC TWO on Thursday 10th July 2008 07:45
BBC Genome: BBC TWO Thursday 10th July 2008 07:45
After this there’s a trail for Sorry, I’ve Got No Head then the recording ends with the start of Bernard.
The next recording starts with the end of Channel 5 News and Weather. After McFly yesterday, today it’s Cyndi Lauper, but thankfully she’s in the studio and not in a Garden Centre.
Then it’s another episode of House – Role Model.
Joe Morton plays Gary Wright, a US Senator campaigning for President, who throws up and collapses at a campaign event.
Vogler offers House a new deal. If he examines Wright, and gives a speech at a pharmaceutical conference about a new drug Vogler’s company is launching, he won’t have to fire any of his team.
Foreman examines Wright. He sees a scar on his tongue, and Wright says he fell off a swing at six and bit his tongue. House is sceptical. “Tongues heal too fast. Your political consultants have written you a nice story. In a tight race, the lispers alone could put you over the top.” “You, uh, a Republican, or you just hate all politicians?” “I just find being forced to sit through drivel annoying.” “You find sincerity annoying?” “You’re a black kid from the ghetto. You made it to Yale Law and the United States Senate. That’s a sufficiently mythical story. You don’t need to lie about your tongue.” But when his right leg doesn’t react to the reflex hammer, House knows it’s not just some bad food that caused the symptoms.
A clinic patient shows all the signs of a recent miscarriage, but she says she hasn’t had sex with anyone for over a year, since she and her partner split up. “Fine. Have it your way. Immaculate conception.” “Um…what do I do?” “Well, it’s obvious. Start a religion.”
They find a spot on Wright’s MRI, and he agrees to a brain biopsy in case it’s a tumour. It’s not a tumour, but the biopsy has revealed toxoplasmosis. “Which means the Great Black Hope has full-blown AIDS.”
Wright is not happy with this diagnosis, and strongly denies he can possibly have AIDS. “Here’s what you’re gonna do. You’re gonna give me the drugs for the toxo only. You are going to test me for HIV under a false name. You are going to test me for cancer. And anything else that could’ve done this to me. If I have cancer, I will deal with it. But I do not… have AIDS.”
House has to break the news to Wright that the HIV test came back positive. Wright still asserts he’s only slept with two women since his wife died, used condoms, and is not gay. “This who I am. I believe in people. I’m not hiply cynical, and I don’t make easy, snide remarks. I would rather think that people are good and be disappointed once and again.” House pauses. “I need to draw some more blood.” Incidentally, Wright’s attitude to people has always been mine.
Shortly after, he tries to walk, and finds he can’t move his leg.
House has more news. “The antiretrovirals aren’t working.” “Why not?” “‘Cause you don’t have AIDS. First test was a false positive. Happens one time in every 5,000.” “You ran a second test?” “Yeah. You’re still dying. The only difference is, now we don’t know why.”
Wrights symptoms worsen. He’s having trouble breathing.
House’s miraculous pregnancy patient has been back a few more times with more symptoms that really look like she’s been having sex. So House has her spend a night in a sleep lab. It reveals she’s been sleepwalking, and during that time, walking to her ex-husband’s flat next floor down. “I’ll kill him.” “Okay. But he probably didn’t know that you were asleep. Sexsomniacs can act pretty normal. I’m gonna write you a prescription for a low dose antidepressant. It’ll let you sleep better. If you want to save yourself the $15.00 co-pay, you could have sex while you’re awake.” “He’s my ex, I don’t–” “You live in the same building. You haven’t had sex with anyone else for a year. You sleepwalk right into his arms. Call me crazy, but I’m sensing unresolved issues.”
The results of more tests rule out Hairy Cell Leukaemia, but House notices he shows positive for Epstein Barr. He goes to the patient and pulls his respirator off. “You didn’t fall off the swing when you were eight.” “Six.” “Ever.” “Give that back!” “Uh-uh. We have to talk. You had an epileptic seizure. That’s how you bit your tongue.” “I haven’t had a seizure since–” “What medication did you take?” No…seizure since I was six. No dr-drugs…since I was ten!” “Yeah, that’s it. Don’t worry about what the question is. Don’t worry that you’re starting to feel dizzy. Just stay on message.” “My– My mother used to call it… [wheezing] a funny something.” “Phenytoin?” “Yeah!” “Okay, okay. You’re okay. It’s okay. Everybody lies.”
After treatment for immunoglobulin deficiency, he improves greatly. Enough that he decides he’ll keep running for President. “Good for you” says Foreman. “No. Don’t get excited, he’s right. I, um– I won’t win.” “Then why run?” “Oh, I see. Your point being, the only way to make a difference is to win every fight?”
House has to make his speech at the conference. He steps up, reads the company blurb about the drug, then steps away. Vogler says “That’s not a speech.” “I thought it was pithy. You got enough for a press release, anyhow.” Vogler threatens him. “Foreman or Cameron?” House sighs and returns to the podium.
“A few things I forgot to mention. Ed Vogler is a brilliant businessman. A brilliant judge of people. And a man who has never lost a fight. You know how I know that the new ACE inhibitor is good? ‘Cause the old one was good. The new one is really the same, just more expensive. A lot more expensive. See, that’s another example of Ed’s brilliance. Whenever one of his drugs is about to lose its patent, he has his boys and girls alter it just a tiny bit and patent it all over again. Making not just a pointless new pill, but millions and millions of dollars. Which is good for everybody, right? Except for the patients, but–pffft. I mean, who cares, they’re just so damn sick. God obviously never liked them anyway. So from all the healthy people in the room, let’s have a big round of applause for Ed Vogler!” As he walks away from the podium he says “I threw in a joke.”
Media Centre Description: US medical drama about a maverick, anti-social New Jersey doctor. House battles to save a presidential candidate who collapsed at a high-level campaign fundraiser.
Recorded from Five on Thursday 10th July 2008 12:42
After this the recording ends with the start of Neighbours.
The next recording starts with the end of Return to Scorpion Island.
There’s a trail for Serious Ocean.
Then it’s a repeat showing of Secret Show – Return of the Killer Toothbrush from earlier.
Media Centre Description:
Recorded from CBBC Channel on Thursday 10th July 2008 14:22
BBC Genome: CBBC Channel Thursday 10th July 2008 14:25
After this there’s a trail for Trapped.
Then the recording ends with the start of Chucklevision.
The next recording is an episode of Mock the Week.
With Andy Parsons.
Frankie Boyle.
Lucy Porter.
Hugh Dennis.
Russell Howard.
And Michael Macintyre.
Media Centre Description: Two teams of comedians take a satirical swipe at the news and world events. Host Dara O’Briain is joined by regulars Hugh Dennis, Frankie Boyle, Andy Parsons and Russell Howard. With guests Michael McIntyre and Lucy Porter.
Recorded from BBC TWO on Thursday 10th July 2008 21:00
BBC Genome: BBC TWO Thursday 10th July 2008 21:00
The last recording today starts with a trail for Britain’s Missing Top Model and one for Burn Up. I don’t know if I watched this one, but it looks right up my street. There’s Rupert Penry Jones, Bradley Whitford, Marc Warren and Neve Campbell in the trailer, and iMDb tells me my old school friend Claire Skinner was in it too, and I feel like I remember it, but I don’t have any recordings of it that I’ve found.
Then, there’s the first episode of a new sitcom from Chris Addison, Lab Rats – A Snail.
Addison plays Dr Alex Beenyman.
The magnificent Geoffrey McGivern plays Nobel Prize winner Professor John Mycroft.
Dan Tetsell, who turns up in lots of things but I primarily know from Richard Herring’s AIOTM (AIOTM) plays Brian Lalumaca.
Jo Enright plays Cara McIlvenny.
Selina Cadell plays the Dean of the university. She doesn’t like her new (second hand) chair. “Yeah, it looks nice, doesn’t it? But it’s not nice. This chair is an arsehole.”
They are visited by an eminent Russian scientist, who is looking for help with his cloning project. His name is Andrei Kyrtistyges (pronounced Curtis Stigers).
Along with his colleague Billy Ray Cyrus.
I like the gag when he leaves and this is his last slide. The font makes the gag.
Alex has to do cloning experiments with snails, which he hates.
Cara uses a Genetically modified serum they developed to grow a huge lemon, to make a powerful battery.
Alex uses it to make the cloned snails bigger, which is what they are trying to achieve. It’s gone a bit too far.
Rather distressingly, my recording cuts off about a minute before the end, but this one on YouTube is complete. I quite enjoyed this.
Media Centre Description: Comedy. Somewhere in St Dunstan’s University sits the Arnolfini Research Laboratory – a lab for hire, meant for flashy projects which will bring the college kudos and money. Unfortunately, the Arnolfini is staffed by what are known in scientific circles as ‘idiots’. Can Alex and Brian help a Russian professor clone his dead grandmother in 24 hours? Why has Cara filled the lab with lemons? And will the Prof ever track down the Dean’s hidden Toblerone?
Recorded from BBC TWO on Thursday 10th July 2008 21:30
BBC Genome: BBC TWO Thursday 10th July 2008 21:30
Here’s the House ad breaks.
Adverts:
- trail: Banged Up
- InjuryLawyers4U.co.uk
- Nat West
- trail: Six Degrees of Summer Flicks
- CSI: NY on DVD
- Direct Line
- National Accident Helpline
- Dell Inspiron
- Friends Reunited
- Direct Line Home Insurance
- gocompare.com
- trail: The Hotel Inspector
- trail: Hotel Inspector Unseen
- Echo Falls
- Maltesers – Mamma Mia, Daisy Haggard
- trail: Superstars
- Asda
- Daihatsu Sirion
- Nourkrin – Britt Ekland
- National Accident Helpline
- Vanish Oxi Action Magnets
- Sky Plus – Michael Parkinson
- MFI
- Asda
- trail: Banged Up
- trail: England v South Africa Cricket
- Confused.com
- Bold 2in1
- JML Nicer Dicer
- Tempur
- Sky Plus – Michael Parkinson
- InjuryLawyers4U.co.uk
- Cathedral City
- trail: The Hotel Inspector
- trail: Hotel Inspector Unseen