The Simpsons – Torchwood

First today, another glimpse of Richard & Judy talking to a man about birds.

Then, another repeat, of The Simpsons – The Simpsons Spin-Off Showcase.

Media Centre Description: Troy McClure hosts three spin-off stories. Featuring the voice of the late Phil Hartman.

Recorded from Channel 4 on Wednesday 5th March 2008 17:58

The next recording starts with half a trail for Wonderland and a whole trail for I’d Do Anything, the next Andrew Lloyd Webber audition show. The young boy at the start of this trailer looks an awful lot like the boy who won the Blue Peter competition to appear in Doctor Who although he doesn’t have the broad Scottish accent he had, so it’s probably someone else.

There’s also a trail for Gavin and Stacey.

Then, it’s a repeat of Torchwood – A Day in the Death.

Media Centre Description: Science-fiction crime drama series set in Cardiff. A victim of his newfound circumstances, Owen Harper believes he needs absolution. Will the lonely girl on the rooftop help him, or will it be a mission to retrieve an alien device that is proving more lethal by the second? And how far will Toshiko go to help him?

Recorded from BBC TWO on Wednesday 5th March 2008 21:00

BBC Genome: BBC TWO Wednesday 5th March 2008 21:00

After this there’s a trail for That Mitchell and Webb Look.

A trail for Delia.

And a trail for The Passion.

The recording ends with the start of Wonderland.

The next recording is the next episode of Torchwood – Something Borrowed. This is a BBC Three premiere of the episode, and It’s missing the first five minutes, probably because it was actually scheduled for 21:50 and this recording starts at 21:55.

So I’m going to cheat today and make use of the repeat that’s coming next week. In case you wonder why there’s no BBC Three logo in the corner.

It’s the night before Gwen’s wedding, and before she can have her Hen Night, she’s got a Torchwood mission, chasing a shapeshifter who likes trying to eat people, and gets bitten on the arm.

Next morning, the day of the wedding, Gwen wakes up worse for wear, and not just from drinking too much at the hen party. She’s now pregnant. Very pregnant. Owen examines her. “You lie back, I run a bio-xenic microtron, a couple of days, you’ll be right as rain. Whoa, a couple of days? In five hours I’m walking down the aisle, Owen!” “No, you’re not. Gwen, I hate to say this, but you’re going to have to postpone the wedding.” “No! No way. Have you any idea how much a wedding costs?” “Listen, Gwen, you are not carrying the baby Jesus.” “I don’t care! I can’t put Rhys through this. He’s had to put up with enough, OK? So I’m not postponing the wedding.”

Ianto goes shopping for a new dress for Gwen that will fit her substantial baby bump. The shop assistant thinks he’s buying for a male friend.

Gwen decides to tell everyone that she’s pregnant and has been hiding it. Her parents are a little surprised.

Rhys’s mother is played by Nerys Hughes. She and Gwen’s mum don’t get on all that well.

Tosh arrives at the hotel where the wedding is happening. She meets Ryhs’s best man. “Are you going to the wedding?” “I’m a friend of Gwen’s.” “I’m Banana. I suppose you can tell why.” “You come up in spots and go soft quickly?” “I’m playing the best man.” “Evolution is full of surprises.”

Another of Rhys’s friends spots an attractive guest, and tries to chat her up, managing to prick her with a thorn. Despite this she says “Actually, do you feel like getting a bite?” Tosh notices the blood that dropped on a napkin and it’s black, like the blood of the creature that bit Gwen.

Jack and Owen have worked out what the aliens are. Nostrovites, which have a particular way of reproducing. “the male Nostrovite carries the fertilized eggs in a sac in its mouth and passes it on to a host with a bite.” “Gwen.” “And where does the mother come in?” “Well, she tracks down the host, and rips it open. That’s Nostrovite childbirth.” And the woman at the hotel is the mother. She talks to Gwen. “Are you all right?” “Oh, yeah, yeah, it was just a twinge.” “He’ll be flexing his muscles. Not long to go now.”

Gwen can’t lie to her father. She tells him what the baby is.

Tosh has been captured by the alien, and trapped in black webbing with Banana Boat.

The wedding goes ahead. Surely nothing will go wrong?

“Stop the wedding!” But it’s not the flesh-eating shape-shifting alien, it’s Jack.

The shape-shifting alien is identified. Tosh shoots her but she runs off and they lose her.

Rhys and Gwen are being kept safe in her room. Rhys’s mum comes to check on them. Jack and Tosh are outside looking for the alien when Tosh spots Rhys’s mum outside, so Jack rushes to the room. “Get back, you ugly bitch!” “What the hell do you think you’re doing? That’s my mother!” “No. It’s the alien.” “I’m not an alien!” “You’re good, I’ll give you that. But I’m not!” Gwen asks “Does the shape-shifter copy smells too?” “No. It’s just physical.” “Well, I’d recognise that bloody awful perfume anywhere. It’s Brenda, Jack.”

I love that Nerys Hughes got made up as an alien. (of course Declassified will spoil it by telling me it was a stunt double or something.) Gwen shoots her with a gun hidden in her bouquet.

Jack comes to see Gwen, they have a touching moment, then he reveals he’s the monster.

Owen has given the Singularity Scalpel to Rhys because Owen’s hand is damaged. So it’s down to Rhys to destroy the alien inside Gwen.

The alien appears, back as Rhys’s mum. Rhys has had enough, and grabs a chainsaw. “And I’ve had a gutful of you! You get my girlfriend pregnant, you impersonate my mum and you ruin my wedding day!” The plug for the chainsaw pulls out of the wall and it stops revving. “Fuck!” Lucky Jack is right behind her with a very big gun.

As Jack says, the hero gets the girl.

And thanks to some Level Six Retcon, the guests won’t remember anything about the alien. Although does that mean they won’t remember the wedding either?