The first recording today is another episode of Secret Show – The Villain Nobody Took Seriously, This recording is missing the start of the episode, sadly.
There’s a lot of threats that need dealing with. Reptogators, Imposters, The floaty-heads and Doctor Doctor are all attacking.
After they’re all dealt with, there’s another threat. A clown who wants to take over the world. “And when I rule the world, not just the people, but all the buildings will wear curly hats too! And you will have to say, BIM in every sentence, for BIM is a happy word.”
“There is no way! No way on earth that that clown is ever going to take over the planet!” is Victor’s threat assessment. But the clown does take over the world by winning the World Leader election. The ex World leader’s husband has a question for UZZ. “Only my wife entered the election, so how could the clown win BIM?” “BIM! I’ll tell you how. The clown BIM changed his name to Mark An X Here, and everyone voted for him BIM by mistake. I know I did, BIM.”
“Talking of names, BIM, my name is changed daily for reasons of what little security remains in this planet now that it’s run by a clown! BIM! Still, today, you may call me… Oh, BIM. Flouncy-wouncy-bouncy, BIM.”
A lot of his policies are popular. “Now that I finally rule the world, Fridays are banned, so have a double Saturday! BIM! And why stop at BIM? Have a pom-bam-bom as well as a BIM! Have fun, have BIM, have bam-bom and pom, and everyone can go on holiday for the rest of the year!”
“He’s not that BIM-crazy after all!” “And BIM-bam-bom-pom! I’ve sold the world to the floaty heads for a chocolate egg!”
Victor and Anita try to contact Professor Professor and Flouncy-wouncy-bouncy, BIM. They’re on holiday.
Victor calls all the bad guys. “Hi, bad guys! Due to everyone being on holiday, could you please not attack the world leader’s mansion today? Thanks very much for your help. Bye!”
The floaty-heads regret their deal. “Everyone here is barking mad! I’m off!” “Oh, BIM! He kept the egg!” “This planet isn’t worth a chocolate button! Let’s get out of here!”
Victor and Anita use the Chef’s weapons to stop the bad guys (I presume – that bit of the start was missing).
Media Centre Description: Comedy series for seven- to 12-year-olds about two agents in a top-secret organisation. A clown takes over the world because nobody takes him seriously enough to stop him. U.Z.Z. are too busy saving the world from serious villains to deal with a foolish timewaster. But when the clown wins the world election, it looks like he’ll get the last laugh. Or will he?
Recorded from CBBC Channel on Sunday 23rd March 2008 09:15
BBC Genome: CBBC Channel Sunday 23rd March 2008 09:15
After this there’s a trail for Smalltalk Diaries. Then the recording stops with the start of DinoSapien.
The next recording starts with the end of Newsround.
Then there’s a repeat of M.I. High – Spy Plane.
Media Centre Description: Children’s spy drama with high school kids Blane, Daisy and Rose. Will Blane be able to keep his feet on the ground when a mysterious pilot steals an invisible spy plane?
Recorded from CBBC Channel on Sunday 23rd March 2008 16:58
BBC Genome: CBBC Channel Sunday 23rd March 2008 17:00
After this, there’s a promo for the M.I. High website, then the recording stops with the start of Arthur.
The next recording starts with the end of Lark Rise to Candleford.
There’s a trail for Causalty 1907.
Then, it’s an adaptation of Alexander McCall Smith’s The No. 1 Ladies Detective Agency.
Jill Scott plays Precious Ramotswe, a woman whose father dies at the start of the film, and leaves her 180 cows. As he’s dying he tells her “I am not frightened of passing. I believe God is good and will take me to a land like Africa. And there will be white cows with sweet breath and acacia trees and shade from the sun. So, no tears. And make me a promise.” “Anything.” “If you marry another man, let him be kind this time.” OK, so this film will make me cry.
Her abusive ex-husband is at the funeral but she doesn’t want to talk to him, although she does ask him to pay his trumpet. He’s played by Colin Salmon.
Rather than stay in her village, she sells the cows, and drives to Gaborone, where she will buy a house and open her own detective agency. Her van breaks down on the road, and she’s towed by JLB Matekoni (Lucian Msamati) of Speedy Motors. When she tells him about her plans for the detective agency, he says “Then the bad men better watch out.” “Those are the very same words my father said to me when I told him.”
During the journey, they come across a search for a missing child. “The police are saying perhaps the lions have taken him.” “But how can there be lions so close to Gabarone?” “Poor man. These days when a child is lost, we all suspect the worst. There are people out there with dark ideas.” “He’s a good man. He’s a teacher. How can we believe men would do these things? Take and murder a child for medicine?”
She finds an office for her business, decorates it, and puts up a sign which goes through several iterations.
My grammar sense was twitching throughout this scene, so when Precious goes up the ladder to fill in the apostrophe, I’m afraid to say, I cried. There’s no hope for me, is there?
When business is slow to begin with, BK, who runs the hair salon next door offers to recommend her service to his customers.
Grace Makutsi (Anika Noni Rose) arrives, applying for the job of secretary.
Her first client is Happy Bapetsi (Bongeka Mpongwana) whose long lost father had been thought dead, but two months ago, an old man came to her saying he was her long lost father. But she suspects he’s not really her father. Precious sees he acting a lot more sprightly when his daughter leaves for work, but that’s not proof he’s not her father.
Another case arrives, from Alice Busang (Nikki Amuka-Bird) who is suspicious of what her husband does when he goes out on his own.
She goes to a club where he might be picking up women, and soon spots him. He homes in on her as someone new, and she flirts with him, and they end up back at her house. He played (brilliantly) by David Oyelowo. So oily.
She gets him to take a photo of them while they’re kissing, so she’ll have proof for Alice.
Next day, on a TV she sees the father of the missing boy they saw on the journey to Gaborone.
She has an idea how she might find the truth about Happy’s father. She borrows a nurse’s uniform, and the help of a local ambulance, she goes to his house to tell him his daughter is in the local hospital after a terrible accident. “Yes, the only person in Botswana who will have her blood type will be a blood relative. So we will not have to pay for the blood because it will be your blood.” “My blood?” “Yes.” “How much of my blood?” “About half.” “Half of my blood?” “Yes. It was a terrible accident. Blood is pouring from your daughter in more than one place. She is like a fountain of blood. How lucky she is to have a daddy who would save her life, even perhaps at the risk of his own.” He has to admit that he’s not really Happy’s father, and she throws him out of the ambulance in the middle of nowhere. He’s played by John Kani, off of Black Panther.
Her next client is Hector Lepodise (Lindani Nkosi) who is being sued by one of his employees who left suddenly, and has now sued him for the loss of his index finger. He doesn’t believe he lost it at the factory. “you investigate. Detect. If you find something wrong, I’ll pay. If you find nothing wrong, I will still pay. But with charity instead. We live in a great country we should not be cheating each other.” Her suspicion is also increased when she sees that the lawyer representing the man is the lawyer her ex husband used.
JLB, while fixing Precious’s brakes again, shows her something. A car he had towed, a very expensive car, has a bag of items to do with witchcraft, including what looks like an index finger. Precious takes the bag, in case the finger is that of the man suing Hector. JLB is very worried by this, as the car is owned by a very dangerous man. She tells him to tell the man that the bag was stolen, and to send him to her so she can find the bag for him.
She speaks to the doctor who performed the amputation. He looks at the bone and says “But this is not the finger I amputated.” “You sure?” “Yeah. It is an index finger. But it belongs to a child.” “A child?” “Be careful.”
She visits Lucky Sesana (Tumisho Masha), the lawyer acting for the injured man (and her ex’s lawyer). Precious gives him an offer. “I bet you 1,000 pula. Your claim will not be successful. No claim, you pay me 1,000 pula. Your claim succeeds. I pay you 1,000.” He’s confident, so he accepts. Then she shows him records of the amputation, but also, a claim from the same time last year, and also the year before. Each about the amputation of the index finger.
She goes to see the man himself, Solomon Moretsi (Kabelo Thai). he’s at a school for orphans. “what does a man do with four thousand pula?” “What do you mean?” “Such a lot of money. Particularly if he receives it once a year. Does he drink too much beer? Does he buy himself a big car and go to the casino and gamble? If you ever had four thousand pula, what would you do with it?” “I’d give it to buy these kids new clothes. Or this year, a swing to swing on. Give it to my sister’s daughter. Or my brother’s twins. Over there. I’d give it to orphans like these who did nothing bad, ever. Except to be born in the wrong time. In the wrong place. When a disease can take your parents just like this. Then your aunties. Then you.” “I’m glad to hear the money has been so well spent. But in the future we must find a way to earn it legally. Do not contact an insurance company again. Unless you really do have eight fingers or less.”
She finally reports back to Alice Busang about her philandering husband. But when she sees the photos she’s more upset with Precious. “How dare you kiss my Kremlin, you thief! You Jezebel! You have stolen my husband from under my nose!” “But you wanted proof.” “Proof that my husband is unfaithful. Not proof that you are the fattest slut in Gabarone!”
Precious is visited by Charlie Gotso, the man who owned the flash car and the bag of human bits. He’s very scary, and played by Idris Elba. She tells him she’s found his items, but won’t tell him the names of the boys who stole it. Then she asks him about “Medicine”. “I want some medicine myself. I need to punish a man. He said he loved me. He lied.” “You want medicine?” “That’s why I’m here. I want to hurt this man. I want him to suffer the way I am suffering.” How he thinks he’s getting what he wants, he’s happy. He draws her a map, even says she’ll get a discount.
“Now, where’s my property?” “You’re eating it. It’s inside the cake. Now. Excellent choice. 500 pula.”
Then she retrieves her recorder from beneath the table.
She goes to the place Charlie mapped. There’s a woman there. Precious tells her that she works for the police, typing reports, and she typed a report about the woman’s husband, and how they were going to hang him because he is selling parts of children. The woman tells her “The boy’s not dead. They cannot hang me if the boy’s not dead.”
Precious gets the woman to show her where the boy is. He seems to be unharmed.
Next morning, the boy’s father is teaching at his school. Precious drives up, and lets the boy out of the car. Readers will be unsurprised that I cried a lot at this.
Elsewhere, the police catch up with Charlie Gotso.
Later, at the school for orphans, Hector donates the 4,000 Pula to their Special fund.
JLB is there. He has an important question for Precious. “I want to ask you. Do you remove the handbrake before you accelerate your little white van?” “Are you supposed to do that?” “It is very important. If you do not do it, the van will definitely die.” “I will definitely do that then. I will do anything you ask.” “Is it? Would you perhaps marry me then?” “Anything except that.” He only looks slightly crestfallen. “Excellent. Good.”
Back at the office, Grace has some bills pay, for the phone, paper, etc. And also a bill for her own services. Precious looks at it. “Secretaries free.” “That is correct. My calculation after these agency expenses, is that we have solved five cases for a net profit of exactly nothing. And as long as you have earned nothing, neither will I. But when the ladies detective agency becomes the pride of Botswana, as it most surely will, then I will be the first to enjoy the fruits of our labors.” “Thank you. And may I say, that at the end of this first month, I have been happy with your work. One hundred percent.”
The programme ends with this caption. Co-writer and director Anthony Minghella died only five days before this programme went out. A huge loss.
I thought that was brilliant. I’ve not read the books, so I didn’t know quite what to expect, but that was very much right up my street.
Media Centre Description: Adaptation of the Alexander McCall Smith novel. When Precious Ramotswe inherits 180 cows from her father, she decides to invest them in order to become Botswana’s first ever female detective. Teaming up with secretary Mma Makutsi, her powerful sense of vocation makes up for a lack in office sophistication – a tiny white van, two desks, two chairs and a teapot.
Recorded from BBC ONE on Sunday 23rd March 2008 20:58
BBC Genome: BBC ONE Sunday 23rd March 2008 21:00
After this there’s another trail for Casualty 1907 and Hancock and Joan.
Then the recording stops with the start of the News.