Today’s set of recordings is 10 hours and 38 minutes in total. But because of so many duplicates and repeats, this only comprises three different programmes.
The first recording starts with the end of a Celebrity Weakest Link featuring the Hairy Bikers.
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And Jay Rayner.
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There’s a trail for The Kids are All Right.
There’s also a trail for Young Mums’ Mansion and one for a new series of My Family.
Then, it’s the first episode of series four of Doctor Who – Partners in Crime. It’s the best series, and this is a great opener. Here’s some highlights.
The opening sees returning character Donna Noble, from The Runaway Bride as played by Catherine Tate. We see her getting in to a building by flashing an identity card and saying “Donna Noble – Health and Safety” and it’s intercut with The Doctor doing the same thing at a back entrance, using his psychic paper. The running gag here of both of them in the same place but just missing each other is really well played throughout.
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We see Miss Foster (Sarah Lancashire) give a sales pitch for the Adipose company’s new miracle diet pill. “The fat just walks away” is the slogan.
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Penny Carter, Science Correspondent for the Observer asks whether this is just another bit of junk science.
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Donna talks to people in the call centre, looking for a client list. As well as the pills, people get a free gift of a gold pendant.
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Donna and the Doctor independently talk to customers of Adipose. A man tells the Doctor that it’s really effective, losing 1kg each night. He weighs himself at night because his burglar alarm goes off every night at the same time, waking him up. The Doctor asks if he’s got a cat to go with his catflap. “It was here when I bought the house. I’ve never bothered with it. I’m not a cat person. Is that what it is? Cats getting inside the house?” “Well, the thing about cat flaps is they don’t just let things in, they let things out as well.” “Like what?” “The fat just walks away.”
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Donna, meanwhile, talks to Stacy, who’s also getting amazing results. “It’s been fantastic. I started the pills on Thursday. Five days later, I’ve lost 11 pounds.” She’s getting ready to go out and has to use the bathroom. While she’s there, Donna idly fiddles with the Adipose pendant she took, and upstairs Stacy starts reacting, her stomach starts bulging out, like something out of Alien. This is real body horror stuff.
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But what emerges isn’t a skin-chewing monster, it’s a decidedly cute thing. Which helps rather a lot to undercut the horror of the stomach bulging.
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Miss Foster has detected this event. “The Adipose has been witnessed. Activating full parthenogenesis.”
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Stacy starts shedding more of these creatures until finally there’s nothing left of her.
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Donna goes home. Her mother is not the most supportive and encouraging person. “I thought you were only moving back for a couple of weeks. Look at you! You’re never gonna find a flat, not while you’re on the dole. It’s no good sitting there dressed up looking like you’re job-hunting, you’ve got to do something. It’s not like the 1980s. No-one’s unemployed these days, except you. How long did that job with Health and Safety last? Two days, and then you walk out.” Jacqueline King is ever so good in this role.
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Donna goes to see her grandfather, Wilf, played by the peerless Bernard Cribbins. He’s stargazing. “If you ever see a little blue box flying up there in the sky, you shout for me, Gramps. Oh, you just shout.” “D’you know, I don’t understand half the things you say these days.”
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Next day, Donna and the Doctor return to Adipose, and both have the same plan. To hide until everyone’s left so they can investigate. Donna hides in a toilet cubicle. But somehow Miss Foster knows she’s there, and she and two security men start opening the cubicle doors, getting closer and closer until… they find the journalist, Penny Carter.
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Like a true villain, Miss Foster explains her plan. “Officially, the capsule attracts all the fat cells and flushes them away. Well, it certainly attracts them. That part’s true. But it binds the fat together and galvanises it to form a body.” “Well, what do you mean “a body”?” I am surprised you never asked about my name. I chose it well. Foster, as in foster mother. And these… ..are my children” she says, taking one of her “children” out of a desk drawer. Some mother.
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Then one of the greatest scenes in Doctor Who history as the Doctor comes down the side of the building in a window cleaner’s lift, and Donna finds the office door, and they both watch Miss Foster talking until they notice each other. Then they have an entire conversation across the room, in mime, including such phrases as “I was reading on the internet”. This is just sublime.
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It’s all about the hugs.
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There’s jeopardy on the washer cradle.
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Miss Foster realises the jig is up, so she activates the machines to turn all the Adipose users into little creatures. Donna’s mum is out with friends when one of them starts dropping Adipose.
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The Doctor has to shut down the system that’s causing this, but he can’t. I love this exchange. “Haven’t got time. It’s too far, I can’t override it. They’re all gonna die!” Donna asks “Is there anything I can do?” The Doctor says, a little condescendingly, “Sorry, this is way beyond you. Gotta double the base pulse…” Donna speaks slowly and clearly. “Doctor, tell me, what do you need?” “I need a second capsule to boost the override, but I’ve only got the one. I can’t save them!” So Donna pulls out the capsule that she took earlier.
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The Adipose spaceship arrives to pick up all the new babies. This is a great spaceship, very Close Encounters.
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Poor Wilf misses the show.
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All the little Adipose are lifted up into the ship.
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Doctor and Donna go up to the roof and watch the Adipose ascend. They’re still cute. “I’m waving at Fat.”
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The Doctor tries to warn Miss Foster (or Matron Cofelia as she’s really known) that she’s in danger. “I saw the Adiposian instructions – they know it’s a crime, breeding on earth. So what’s the one thing they want to get rid of? Their accomplice!” “I’m far more than that. I’m nanny to all these children.” “Mum and Dad have got the kids now, they don’t need the nanny anymore.” The levitation beam shuts off, and there’s a Looney-Tunes physics pause as she realises what’s happened before she plunges to her death.
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Returning to ground level, Donna is keen to get to the Tardis again. She’s kept bags packed in the back of her mum’s car all this time just in case. But the Doctor’s unsure, after Martha falling on love with him. Donna’s having none of that. “..it got complicated. And that was all my fault. I just want a mate.” “You just want TO MATE?!” “I just want A mate!” “You’re not mating with me, sunshine!” “A mate, I want a mate!” “Just as well, because I’m not having any of that nonsense. I mean, you’re just a long streak of nothing, alien nothing.”
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She’s still got the keys to he mum’s car, so she drops them in a litter bin and asks a blonde woman onlooker to show her mum where they are when she arrives to pick them up.
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When Donna leaves, the woman turns to camera, and it’s ROSE BLOODY TYLER! I was watching this with my youngest, who hasn’t seen all of David Tennant’s run yet, and she squealed with delight at this moment. I seem to remember my original reaction was very similar. She walks away and fades out. How mysterious.
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The Doctor asks where Donna wants to go. “Two and a half miles that way” she says. The Tardis appears, spinning, where Wilf is looking, this time. “Donna! It’s the flying blue box!”
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He looks through his telescope and sees Donna and the Doctor waving to him. “That’s Donna. That’s Donna. And that’s him! That’s him! Go on, girl! Go on, get up there!”
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Media Centre Description: Donna is determined to find the Doctor again – even if it means braving the villainous Miss Foster and her hordes of sinister Adipose.
Recorded from BBC ONE on Saturday 5th April 2008 18:18
BBC Genome: BBC ONE Saturday 5th April 2008 18:20
After this there’s a trail for Eastenders.
Then the recording stops almost 15 minutes of an episode of I’d Do Anything.
I have a total of five variously edited copies of this same recording which were scattered across various hard drives.
The next recording starts with the end of Football Gaffes Galore.
There’s a trail for Young Mums’ Mansion.
Then, it’s Doctor Who Confidential – A Noble Return.
Russell T Davies: “The read-through is vital for the production team. It is the only time we get to hear the whole thing before we sit in the edit, because everything is filmed out of sequence. So it becomes a radio play.”
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Phil Collinson: “You can sit in your office, you can break scripts down, you can read them in bed, imagine how they are going to be and sound, but until you hear the actors you have cast reading those lines, it is the first time, really, that the whole thing comes to life.”
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James Strong: “The first half of the episode is basically about the fact that the two of them keep missing each other. Donna has been looking for the Doctor.”
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David Tennant: It’s surprising when the Doctor sees Donna for the first time. It is fairly…unlikely. In his mind, of course, until he realises that she has been chasing him, it is such a random event in the middle of him pursuing an alien invasion, he stumbles across Donna Noble from two Christmases ago.”
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Catherine Tate: “I said to James Strong, the director, the day before, I said, “Have you got any thoughts about that? You know, at all?” And he said, “No.” He said, “I’ll ask Russell.” Then the message came back, “Oh, see what Catherine comes up with.” So, I kind of did it a bit on the hoof, actually. Well, as we were filming it, really, and just mucked about a bit with it and will be taking a career in mime a lot further in performance art.”
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Tom Lucy: “With the actual descend in the cradle, Dave and Catherine did the up here stuff on the roof. David would probably do it, anyway, but for health and safety insurance, he is not allowed to, so we get a two stunt performers. And Gordon, David’s double, has also had a little course on how to operate the cradle.”
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There’s film of Howard Attfield, who played Donna’s father in The Runaway Bride and was going to appear in this episode, from the script read-through. Sadly, he was quite ill at the time, and died shortly afterwards. The main programme is dedicated to him.
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Andy Pryor: “The nice thing about Donna’s family is it demonstrates that she’s somebody who’s perhaps a little bit stuck in her life and her mother who means terribly well is slightly overbearing and, you know, quite aspirational and wants to better herself, thinks Donna should better herself. That’s something a lot of people can identify with with their families.”
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Jacqueline King: “As far as Sylvia is concerned, she has a daughter that’s had an unsuccessful relationship and isn’t getting work and needs support and has moved back home. So, instead of showing that in a loving, supportive way, I get very irritated with her.”
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Sarah Lancashire: “She’s making little Adiposian babies out of… human fat. And they’re lovely.”
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Tim Barter describes the shooting of the Adipose returning to the spaceship.
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These full episodes are currently on iPlayer.
Media Centre Description: Behind-the-scenes look at the making of Doctor Who. Catherine Tate returns as the unstoppable Donna Noble. In her search for The Doctor, Donna finds herself face-to-face with the mighty Miss Foster and a larger-than-life threat against mankind. With the tension rising, the programme gets up close and personal with the Doctor’s latest companion from her first days on set through to her battle against an army of sinister Adipose. Features interviews with Tate, David Tennant and Sarah Lancashire.
Recorded from BBC THREE on Saturday 5th April 2008 19:08
BBC Genome: BBC THREE Saturday 5th April 2008 19:10
After this there’s a trail for Pulling and for a comedy show called The Wall, not to be confused with Danny Dyer’s The Wall or Pink Floyd’s The Wall or, indeed Dale Winton’s Hole in the Wall.
There’s also the Eastenders Jackson 5 trail, and 60 Seconds of News.
The recording stops with the start of Top Gear.
The next recording is a bit of a left turn. It’s Deep Red, an Italian horror film from Dario Argento. I’ve seen it once, in my youth when I was a lot more interested in horror films.
It opens with a mid-titles scene of murder, seen only as a shadow on a wall as a children’s song is playing, then a knife falls into frame, and then the legs of a young child come into frame. It’s always about childhood trauma in these films.
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After the opening titles, there’s more eldritch horror as David Hemmings plays some Jazz.
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Helga Ullman (Macha Meril) is a psychic speaking at a conference discussing telepathy. After doing a “guess what’s in his pocket” she says she can sense the thoughts of someone in the audience. “You have killed and you will kill again. A child’s song. And that villa. In there, murder, blood.” We see the point of view of someone in the audience getting up to leave, and then pulling on some zipped gloves. Gloves are a bit of a theme for Argento. As the psychic is leaving the theatre, she tells the man she’s with that “now I also know who this person is” and because we’re seeing this from a point-of-view shot, it’s a fair bet that person knows she knows.
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Later, someone breaks into Helga’s apartment and attacks her with a meat cleaver.
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Hemmings’ character, Mark Daly, finds a fellow pianist, a friend of his called Carlo, sitting by a fountain in a square, completely drunk.
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The bar they’re outside looks a bit light the one in Edward Hopper’s Nighthawks. As they’re leaving they hear a woman scream. “What was that?” “A scream, I’d say. Maybe someone being raped. Here’s to you, raped virgin.” There’s 1975 for you.
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Hemmings sees Helga at her window as the murderer delivers the final blow and the window shatters. He runs up the stairs and into the apartment. Helga’s already pretty dead. As he’s lifting her body from the window he sees a figure in black walking away, and also sees his drunk friend come out of the bar and see the same figure walking away. He’s questioned by a detective who’s eating a sandwich at the same time. I guess keeping a crime scene uncontaminated wasn’t really a 1975 type of thing.
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There’s a lot of pictures in the hall of the apartment and Mark thinks something is missing, but he can’t workout what. The policeman assures him nothing has been moved. Oh so now crime scene integrity is important?
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Daria Nicolodi appears as the journalist Gianna Brezzi, coming equipped with a 110 format camera, perfect for newspaper shots.
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Mark and Gianna sort of team up. She wants the story and he’s an eyewitness. Her car is a liability.
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Oh this is most definitely 1975. She even challenges him to arm wrestling, and when he loses he gets whiny and says she cheated.
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He goes to see Carlo to ask about the man he saw leaving the apartment, but he’s not at home. His mother is, though. She used to be a famous actress but had to give it up when she got married. She thinks Mark is an engineer not a pianist, which is the closest this film gets to a joke.
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He finds Carlo with his boyfriend, obviously very shocking in 1975.
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Later, Mark is composing at his piano when he hears strange sounds. Someone is playing the children’s song from the opening scene on a tape deck. He hears someone come into the apartment, and keeps playing his piano until the phone rings at which point he jumps up and slams the door to the room he’s in and locks it. A voice whispers “Don’t think you’re safe. I’m still going to kill you sooner of later.” He sees the same figure in black walking away from the building.
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He actually tracks down a record with the same children’s song on it. He plays it for Giordano, who was a friend of Helga’s and is also interested in parapsychology. “If I remember rightly, you told me Helga also said she heard a child singing in the theatre.” “Right. This song could be the leitmotif of the crime.” This seems like a strange way to approach a murder investigation. But no, because the other man there says “remember that Helga spoke of both a song and a villa? Well, I recall reading a long time ago a strange book called, if I’m not mistaken ‘Ghosts and Black Legends of Modern Times’. The author talked of an abandoned villa where the neighbours sometimes heard that little song.” Mark tracks the book down, tells Gianna about the author Amanda Righetti.
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The next scene sees the author, Amanda Righetti, who lives at a fairly remote house. Her housekeeper leaves for the day, and she goes back into her house to find a doll hanging from a light. The murderer is there, and proceeds to murder her by bashing her over the head and drowning her in scalding bathwater. As she’s dying she writes something on the steamed up bathroom tiles, but as she dies, the window swings open and the condensation clears up, destroying the message.
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Mark really is the unluckiest witness. He arrives, and walks into the house to find Amanda dead. This time he doesn’t call the police but knows they’ll find his fingerprints in the house, so his only choice is to solve the crime before they catch up with him.
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He tells Giordano about Amanda’s murder.
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He goes to Amanda’s house, and finds the housekeeper there. She happens to turn the hot water on to clean blood off a sink, and Giordano notices the steam. He looks at the wall where Amanda was pointing when Mark found her and sees letters form. “ESTAT” I think. Which is not subtitled. Google Translate says it means “summer”. I do not understand this clue.
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Mark finds the villa shown in Amanda’s book.
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He finds a lovely mural behind some plaster. There’s also hints that someone else is lurking around the house.
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Giordano is now targeted by the killer who is getting more whimsical/creepy. A door opens and a creepy walking doll comes in, which he hits with the knife he’s grabbed to protect himself.
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But he spends far too long staring at the doll on the floor that it gives the killer time to come through the door next to him, whack him on the head, then kill him in a gruesome way. I did wince at this one.
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When Mark gets the news, he decides that he and Gianna should leave town to escape the killer. She goes off to pack, and he calls Carlo, but only his mother is there, then he has a brainwave and rings off, and heads over to the mysterious villa, leaving a note on the door for Gianna. He’s noticed that the villa has a window missing, so naturally he climbs up in the dark and starts breaking the plaster to make a hole. Which turns out to be something of a waste of time as he spends most of his time almost falling to his death until he finally gets back to safety, then starts again inside the house.
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He finds a sealed room, with a decaying Christmas Tree in the corner, so it’s probably the room from the opening. It also has a decaying corpse in a chair in the centre of the room, which might explain why it was sealed up. As he’s staring at this, someone bashes him on the head.
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He wakes up with Gianna next to him, and the Villa is ablaze. 1975 special effects can’t quite convince with this particular shot.
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Mark has lost every clue he had found. They’re recovering at the house of the man who looks after the house for sale, and his young daughter. And in what can only be described as a ridiculous coincidence, Mark notices a lovely picture the child has drawn. Which the father has thought suitable for putting on the wall. Mark asks where she got it, she says she drew it, but it was based on a picture she saw in her school, in a set of pictures from old classes.
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Mark and Gianna go to the school (middle of the night, still) and find the patch of pictures. Gianna hears noises, and goes to call the police, but she’s interrupted by someone calling her name. Mark finds the original of the girl’s picture.
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He goes to look for Gianna, and finds her with a knife in her stomach. “All this for a lousy article” she jokes.
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Mark goes looking for the killer. “I know who you are. I read your name.” It’s Carlo, his drunk friend. “I told you to keep out of it. I said pack up and clear out. Why didn’t you take my advice?” Before he can kill Mark, though, the police burst in and he escapes.
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He gets away from the police, but then he lurches out into the street, is almost hit by a lorry, and is then snagged by a metal hook from the back of the lorry and dragged through the street, getting more and more battered until the lorry stops. Then another car runs over his head.
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Mark is told Gianni will recover. He heads home, but the details are still nagging at him. He was with Carlo when Helga was killed. Carlo saw the murderer, so it couldn’t have been him. He goes back to Helga’s apartment to try to jog his memory. He’s still thinking of the painting that was missing from the hall after he found Helga’s body. He walks down the hall, and see that where he thought there was a painting, is a mirror, reflecting a picture of faces.
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And he remembers what he saw that night in the mirror. It was Carlo’s mother.
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She’s there in the apartment. Not sure how she could possibly have got there before him, since he had to unpick all the tape in the door, but that’s hardly the only thing in this film that doesn’t make any sense. Anyway, we finally get to see the full tragic backstory. Carlo’s father tells her she has to go back somewhere (a mental hospital, I’m guessing). So she grabs a knife and stabs him in the back in front of young Carlo.
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She attacks Mark but he gets away out into the vestibule. She follows, hacks again, then Mark kicks her and she falls onto the lift grating, and the long chain she’s wearing gets stuck in the mechanism. Mark hits the lift button, as it drops, she gets pulled against the cage, and the chain cuts into her neck. The film ends with an unnecessarily long shot of the bloody chain hanging from the lift as it descends slowly, and the titles roll on the reflection of Mark staring at the blood. I feel like this showing might be missing a shot of the actual head coming off, but it’s so long since I first watched this film, I couldn’t say.
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Media Centre Description: Stylish and gruesome horror thriller in which a man becomes obsessed with finding the murderer of a psychic neighbour who foresaw her own death. As he delves deeper into the mystery, the sadistic killer claims more victims in brutal fashion. Director Dario Argento toys with the viewer, giving a glimpse of the murderer’s face after the first killing.
Recorded from Film4 on Sunday 6th April 2008 01:23
After this, Film4 closes down.
Finally today, a recording starts with the end of Two Pints Outtakes.
There’s a trail for Pulling.
Then, it’s a repeat of the earlier Doctor Who Confidential although for some reason, the title given to this recording by Media Centre is Prima Donna. It’s wrong but it still works. I wonder what went wrong?
Media Centre Description: Behind-the-scenes look at the making of Doctor Who. Catherine Tate returns as the unstoppable Donna Noble. In her search for The Doctor, Donna finds herself face-to-face with the mighty Miss Foster and a larger-than-life threat against mankind. With the tension rising, the programme gets up close and personal with the Doctor’s latest companion from her first days on set through to her battle against an army of sinister Adipose. Features interviews with Tate, David Tennant and Sarah Lancashire.
Recorded from BBC THREE on Sunday 6th April 2008 03:58
BBC Genome: BBC THREE Sunday 6th April 2008 04:00
After this there’s trails for Young Mums’ Mansion and The Wall.
I have three copies of this recording.
Here’s the Deep Red ad breaks.
Adverts:
- Mastercard
- Magners
- L’Oreal Elvive
- Iams
- Phones 4U
- Lovefilm
- Mitsubishi
- Funny Games in cinemas
- gocompare.com
- trail: Road to Perdition
- trail: Road to Perdition
- Awake in cinemas
- Staples
- Dulux
- Malta
- Sure
- Hardy’s
- Homebase
- Bupa
- moneysupermarket.com
- VW Polo
- trail: FIlm 4 George Clooney Day
- Mazda 5
- Wilkinson Sword Quattro Titanium
- Oral B ProfessionalCare 8900
- Privilege Insurance – Nigel Havers
- Lovefilm
- PKR
- Awake in cinemas
- Just for Men
- Hitman on DVD
- Mastercard
- trail: Crocodile Dundee II
- Sainsbury’s
- Boots
- Petits Filous
- Funny Games in cinemas
- Garnier UltraLift Pro-X – Davina McCall
- Cadbury Digestives
- Colman’s Lamb and Mint Gravy
- Ocean Spray
- Brantano
- Garnier Nutrisse – Davina McCall
- trail: Road to Perdition
- Sacla Pesto Sauce
- Avon Anew Clinical
- HMV
- Yakult
- Dairylea Dunkers Nachos
- Wilkinson Sword Quattro Titanium
- Cif
- match.com
- trail: Crocodile Dundee II
- Brantano
- Hyundai i10
- Ocean Spray
- Garnier UltraLift Pro-X – Davina McCall
- Garnier Nutrisse – Davina McCall
- B&Q
- Petits Filous
- Colman’s Lamb and Mint Gravy
- PG Tips – Johnny Vegas
- Cadbury Digestives
- Hardy’s